Dark, Heavy Days Ahead

Last I left off, I was almost 240 pounds and graduating from high school. I'll never forget the day our tiny class of eighteen met with the junior class to practice our ceremony. As one of eighteen, I was always the heaviest in the class and ending my senior year at almost one-hundred pounds heavier than a mere nine months earlier, there was no where to hide. I can still see a look of horror as my assigned junior escort took one look at me, turned and walked away. He would have nothing to do with walking the fat girl down the isle. I was beyond humiliated, and just wanted to melt into the floor. I was humiliated and beyond heartbroken, when another junior boy quickly and with a very tender heart, jumped in and offered me his arm! These are the memories that live with a large girl, they are not pretty, they do not bring warm fuzzy feelings.

I cried a lot during those days, and if I think of that girl even to this day, I cry for her still. Although she is not who I am any longer, I lived for many years with deep emotional scars. After graduation, I rode the weight coaster for the next few years, climbing the hill of gain, higher in weight than I had ever been, peaking at almost 260 pounds when I was twenty-two years old. I quit college after one year, (truly due to the fact that I had began gaining weight again in the middle of the school year, and I could not bear to go through the humiliation again). I held a few dead end jobs during this time but there was no doubt that I was on self destruct and it seemed no one could help. I remember taking up needle point at this time, as something to fill my time. I would sit in my bedroom, totally "content" to do my needle point, watch t.v. until my eyes burned and eat whatever I wanted to. I made some really awesome pillows during that time!

A friend of mine from school managed to pull some strings and I was hired at a local bank in the accounting department and the weight, once again, came off. It was about that time, I began dating for the first time in my life. I suddenly found out that there were actually fellows who found me attractive. In fact, from the time I was 23 until I met the man I married at 24, I was asked by no less than four guys to marry them! To come from where I did, having absolutely no one interested in me, EVER, to having that kind of interest...that was a bit mind blowing!

I married my soul mate Chuck in 1986 and exactly 364 days later, I gave birth to our twin daughters five weeks early. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I took the old expression, "eating for two" to heart. Imagine my joy when I found out I was having twins; not only thrilled to be having twins, but the food train once again pulled in and never left!